Starting over

So I am starting to think that maybe I might be the problem in all of my friendships that I have.

No seriously. I am one person to say that I don't like drama and BS and all of that but it seems here lately that I am looking for it. I am looking for a reason to cause problems and I am saying things that are hurtful and mean and it just doesn't make sense.

All my life, I have been the nurturer. People come to me for comforting when they have problems and just need a laugh. I loved helping people out. At one point I even considered being some kind of doctor.

But ever since October, things have started chaging. I have become spitful and hateful. I have become very untrusting and thinking that people are after me.

I used to be able to read people very well. But now... I don't know. I want me back. I want the old Dawn back. But what can I do? I don't know what has come over me here latley. How do I go from such an easy, going nice and loving person to a hateful, mean, unloving person. Is that even possible?

Or is it that since this awful thing happen to our family I am trying to bring everyone else down? Or is it something else? I don't know! And it is driving me nuts! UGH! I AM NOT THIS KIND OF PERSON!

To all my friends out there that I may have hurt and upset, please know that I am very, very sorry. I am sitting here typing this almost in tears. It hurts me so bad.

I am so tired...

Why is it that when things seem to be right on track, something goes wrong and you get dropped on your back?

What a loaded question. I have always asked this question and never quite understood why I wasn't recieving the answer to my question. I still ask this question sometimes when things get really bad. Well.... Things are really bad.

Now usually, it is finaical issues that we have that makes things bad. Don't get me wrong we are still living paycheck to paycheck and sometimes we have to choose between food and diapers but we make ends meet somehow. This time the thing that has made things bad is a threat from one of my hubby's co workers.

And what gets me is that this threat wasn't just one of those "I am going to kick your butt" threats. This was a "I am going to kill you and your family threat." Yes, those were the words I was told except from what I was told there were a few more choice words in there that do not need to be repeated. Why would you threaten to kill someone for? Now I am scared to freaking death. Not necissarily for my own safety but for my baby girls. She doesn't even know this guy. I don't even know him. So I don't even know where to go with this. This guy is not onw to joke around either. James said he is very short tempered and has been known to throw drinks back in waitresses faces. So yeah.... I am scared.

But through all this, I was driving home from picking Carly up today and had my radio tuned to Klove when a song came on that I hadn't heard in years. When I was young my family and I would watch Touched By An Angel and I loved that show! On one of the episodes, there was a boy who has Cystic Fibriosis. His mother had started writing a song for him when he was born and never finished it. That was his one wish, for her to finish that song. Well, that song is called "Testify To Love". This song makes me cry everytime I hear it. I feel God talking to me when I hear this song and I just start singing this song at the top of my lungs. All of a sudden, I just had this over coming sense of calm. I kow everything is going to be ok. I am just going to put in Gods hands. He will not let anything happen to us that is not suppose to happen. We are just going to have to pray that this guy is just blowing off some steam.

If you aren't familar with this song here is a link you can go to to take a listen.
http://www.lyrics.com/index.php/artists/lyric/avalon-p-200249-lyrics-testify-to-love-t-13659635

Love you all!