Just another day

So today was just another day. Woke up, did a little grocery shopping, went to go spend a little time with Carly then went to work.

The day had gone fine up to the point when I had to go to work. And really work was fine until I found out who the closing manager was. Let's just say that this guy is a year younger than me and has that holier than thou attitude. Well, I did really well up to the point where I asked him to do a simple task for me. He told me no that I could do it. So I didn't argue and just did it. I came back up front and he is still standing there and then asks "See... That wasn't that hard was it?" Now he was really starting to tick me off. A little while later he came back up front and asked me for a particular report. I told him that all the reports were already done, that I had taken care of it anyways. He said he still wanted to see it. Ok fine. I bring it to him to see it. Then this is where I lost my cool. He said and these were his words exactly "Woman! When I ask for something you better bring it."

Now let me explain something to you. The only person in this world that can call me woman is my hubby and it had better be in the right tone of voice. I completely lost my cool. I won't going into detail as to what I said because I am not proud of it but I think I got my point accross. I just get so tired of sexism. It is crazy!

So I get off of work and come home and I was just going to post this first part on here but I read a friend of mine blog. It really knocked my socks off. Maybe this is God's way for me to start understanding were other people are coming from. Or maybe this is a way for me to reach out to these people. This guy is obviously crying out for attention to be talking to me in that manner. Maybe he hasn't meet Jesus Christ yet and God is trying to use me to show him who Jesus is. I don't know. But reading my friends blog really just has my eyes open to my surroundings. My eyes were only on myself before and while that is ok maybe I need to branch out and open my eyes to what is around.

I have been praying for a while for God to guide me in the direction I need to go next but I haven't been letting Him show me. I want an easy answer to my prayers but that just isn't the case because then I wouldn't appreciate it. I am not good at being patient but maybe if I develop that ability then maybe He will start allowing me to see where I need to go.

Misunderstandings & Mixed Blessings

When I first started going to church I met this wonderful couple and they helped guide us back to Christ. They are very nice people and we love them very much. At the same time that we were finding Christ, other things were going on in our lives and just conviently things started to fall into place. But as soon as we got baptized something seemed to change.


We had situations come up where we weren't able to come to church. James had the opportunity to take another position in his company and the Devil started messing with our relationships. And let me tell you, Satan is suceeding very well at trying to tear our relationships.

Not only is he toying with our friendships, Satan is toying with our emotions.

We ended getting pregnant and finding out on Christmas Day. We were so excited! We were trying to have a second baby and finally God had decided it was our time. We told everyone and I made my dr appointment but something just didn't feel right. I had a feeling like something was wrong. But I didn't know what it was.

Well, on January 8, 2008 at 8:30AM I miscarried. This has been the hardest thing oue family has ever been through. I went through and am still going through a whirlwind of emotions.

First, I cried. And cried and cried and cried. I did that for the almost 4 hours. After that 4 hours period and some very good drugs, I became numb. I just didn't feel anything. I knew what had happen but I just didn't know what to do.

Then, around 8pm January 9, 2008 I became angry. I was very pissed off with God for doing this to me. It isn't fair and why did this happen to me. This stage didn't last very long.

Now as I sit here at 1:25am on January 10, 2008 I am sad. Not only because I have lost the life of my baby but I feel as if I am losing one of my sisters. One of my dear friends who I love very deeply. I know that things have been hectic for all of us now but I don't want to lose a sister.

With all of this I am sure there are going to be plenty more tears, lots of hugs and in the end I hope He will help us figure everything else. Give us a healthy baby and to give me my sister back.

Although all of this awfulness has been happening, something good has come from all of this. I gained another sister. We were friends before all of this happen but now I see her as a sister. She has been here through my whole miscarriage and I am very greatful for her!


Love you all and thank you for the continued prayers and support.

New day new feelings

Everyday brings many new challenges. Some good, some bad. But with all these challenges that are experiance each day, we learn something about ourselves that we may not have ever known unless we wnet through it.

Example being, I have been challenged everyday with patience. I am not a patient person. I want everyone to move out of my way and let me move through with my life. But God wants me to slow down. But I find it very hard to slow down. There is so much that needs to get done in a day and I feel that if it doesn't all get done then I am a failure. But I am learning that it is not true.

I keep on being challenged by the same thing everyday and at first I was very frustrated. I didn't understand why God was pushing me. But I am starting to come around. He wants me to learn from Him. I don't have it all figured out yet but for the first time in several weeks, I picked upa bible last night. Be that it was a childrens picture bible but something amazing happend. I understood it! Every word of it! I was so completely excited. I didn't want to stop reading.

So every time that I learn to be patient He gifts me with understanding His word. I am so excited to learn from him. Thank you God for teaching me!

And just when you start loosing faith

Something happens and you find it again. And when you find it, your faith seems to be even more powerful than before.

These past couple weeks have been really tough for us. As I am sure you can tell by reading my previous blogs. I had almost given up on trusting God. I was questioning why I should be where I am at and if this was the right choice for me. Well, this week I had an awakening.

I am not really sure what happen. I am not doing anything different than before. But I was at work today and I got a peak at next weeks schedule. I noticed that they had me working 5 days next week. 4 of the days were morning shifts and 1 was a night shift. First of all, I don't work 5 days. It is too much for me. And 2nd, I am the strongest supervisor they have. Not to toot my own horn or anything but they know it. I would think they would schedule me to work more nights because of all the business next week. Well, after arguing with my manager for 2 hours, I finally got a sense of peace about me. I didn't get my way but I felt this tug telling me to stop arguing and that everything was going to be fine.

So I just stopped. I walked away and left it as be. I am still working 5 days next week but maybe the week after that work will give me an additonal day off for working so much this week. I am not even stressing out about my job anymore and I know God did that for me. I know He will take care of everything. He always watches out for me and will not put more on me than I can take.

This simple act of walking away has restored my faith in God. I guess sometimes you have to walk away and almost give up to really understand how much He loves you and wants you to get back to Him. I am sure I will lots more moments in my life in which I question Him but I know He will always lead me back to Him. the light may not always be bright but it will ALWAYS be there.

I am so tired...

Why is it that when things seem to be right on track, something goes wrong and you get dropped on your back?

What a loaded question. I have always asked this question and never quite understood why I wasn't recieving the answer to my question. I still ask this question sometimes when things get really bad. Well.... Things are really bad.

Now usually, it is finaical issues that we have that makes things bad. Don't get me wrong we are still living paycheck to paycheck and sometimes we have to choose between food and diapers but we make ends meet somehow. This time the thing that has made things bad is a threat from one of my hubby's co workers.

And what gets me is that this threat wasn't just one of those "I am going to kick your butt" threats. This was a "I am going to kill you and your family threat." Yes, those were the words I was told except from what I was told there were a few more choice words in there that do not need to be repeated. Why would you threaten to kill someone for? Now I am scared to freaking death. Not necissarily for my own safety but for my baby girls. She doesn't even know this guy. I don't even know him. So I don't even know where to go with this. This guy is not onw to joke around either. James said he is very short tempered and has been known to throw drinks back in waitresses faces. So yeah.... I am scared.

But through all this, I was driving home from picking Carly up today and had my radio tuned to Klove when a song came on that I hadn't heard in years. When I was young my family and I would watch Touched By An Angel and I loved that show! On one of the episodes, there was a boy who has Cystic Fibriosis. His mother had started writing a song for him when he was born and never finished it. That was his one wish, for her to finish that song. Well, that song is called "Testify To Love". This song makes me cry everytime I hear it. I feel God talking to me when I hear this song and I just start singing this song at the top of my lungs. All of a sudden, I just had this over coming sense of calm. I kow everything is going to be ok. I am just going to put in Gods hands. He will not let anything happen to us that is not suppose to happen. We are just going to have to pray that this guy is just blowing off some steam.

If you aren't familar with this song here is a link you can go to to take a listen.
http://www.lyrics.com/index.php/artists/lyric/avalon-p-200249-lyrics-testify-to-love-t-13659635

Love you all!

5 years ago

5 years ago today I married my man of my dreams. He was sweet, charming and loving and took very good care of me. Fast forward 5 years and this man is even better. I never thought I could love someone as much as I love him. James has been one of the greatest influences in my life (although at times I have to wonder....) and I can't imagine my life without him.

We have been together for a total of 7 years and out of those 7 years not once had we been to church together up to this past couple weeks. We have done more with our relationship over these past 4 weeks than we have in the 7 years we have been together. We have found God and have meet a few couples that really inspire us to be better people. We went on a marriage retreat and while we got eaten up by mesquitos we learned a lot about ourselves and God. We were never the "Church going" people. We had been turned off to several religions/churches for all kinds of reasons but when we found Southside, we know that God had guided us in the right direction.

God, please help us in continueing to make our relationship blossom day by day. Please let us continue to learn more about each other each day. God, would you please help us get to know you better, love you more each day and help us raise our daughter to know you the way we want to. Please help us continue to grow our relationships with our faithful friends. We know that we are not perfect people and we never can be but help us in teaching us how you want us to be. God we love you and we thank you for keeping us together through everything we have been through together and for helping us stay together for everything to come.

These past few days..

Well, as I am sure most of you read my blog a couple days ago. We were going through a very rough patch and we still are. I prayed to God and just put it in His hands and I trusted Him. really trusted Him to help us get through this. Now, I don't trust to easy but I didn't know what else to do. He really came through for us. Putting everything in His hands and not worry about what was going on made our loves a lot simpler. He knows what He is doing. He knows when we have had enough and we can't take any more pressure. He helps us get through it. I truely believe that since we gave Him our trust He in return showed us that He is real and can be trusted.

Feeling down...

Over these past 3 days I have been pretty sick. It has taken all my energy to wake up and get to work. I get home and I go straight to bed. I have not spent anytime in my Bible and I am so tired when I get home that I can't even get the energy to pray. I am feeling very upset about this but I know God is watching over me. I listen to K-Love everyday on my way to and from work. I just don't want to turn into one of those people that are constantly coming up with excuses on why I am pushing him away. Hopefully I will feel better soon.

A Life-Changing Moment

We went to church again today and we were a little more comfortable today. We both had just gone to the Marriage Retreat and meet a lot of new couples who we got to know a little better. While we were at service today, Pastor Kelly asked us to bow our heads in prayer and asked us to come to the alter for specific reasons. And to be honest, I didn't think I would be one of those people to get up and kneel in front of the whole congregation and ask God for help. Well, while we were praying I got this jolt of emotion. It overcame me and poured over my heart. And I knew that was the Holy Spirit encoraging me to go up to the alter and ask Jesus to help me find my way. I started to cry with emotion and that moment was the best moment I have felt in a long time. I didn't know what to do with myself. So James and I went and kneeled up front and I prayed harder for Him to continue to help me along this journey. I know He will. I will find my way back to Him.

My first prayers...

Well, last night was the first night ever that I have prayed. I wasn't quite sure how to do it but I just put my whole heart into it and I felt Him. This morning, when I woke up I prayed again to Him. When I prayed this morning I asked Him to give me patience. Then I went into my email and had seen that I had 6 emails from the same person. So I randomly picked one of the emails and it just happen to be about patience. To me, that is deffiantley a sign from Him. I hope everyday that goes by I learn more and more from Him.

Finding faith In God

James and I have been together for almost 7 years now and not once have we gone to church together. Well, we went for the first time today and I think that both of us are changed for the better. We filled out a guest card when we left and later today they called asking if it would be ok for a visit. We said yes.

Now, usually, when church pleople come by it us all about preaching to us about what we are doing wrong and how we need to better our lives so we were a bit apprehensive at first but we figured why not. What did we have to loose?

Nothing! We gained insight to the best church we have ever stepped foot in and let me tell you it was an eye opening experiance. Everyone was laid back and we felt welcome from the first step onto the property! Never have we been welcome like that. It was so overwhelming!

But now both James and I have accepted Christ as our one and only Savior and we are on our way to knowing Him and His life! We want Him in our lives and we NEED Him in our lives.

Thanks to Randi Jo and Brandon for opening there arms and welcoming us so warmly into their church. Both of us really do appreciate it!