Misunderstandings & Mixed Blessings

When I first started going to church I met this wonderful couple and they helped guide us back to Christ. They are very nice people and we love them very much. At the same time that we were finding Christ, other things were going on in our lives and just conviently things started to fall into place. But as soon as we got baptized something seemed to change.


We had situations come up where we weren't able to come to church. James had the opportunity to take another position in his company and the Devil started messing with our relationships. And let me tell you, Satan is suceeding very well at trying to tear our relationships.

Not only is he toying with our friendships, Satan is toying with our emotions.

We ended getting pregnant and finding out on Christmas Day. We were so excited! We were trying to have a second baby and finally God had decided it was our time. We told everyone and I made my dr appointment but something just didn't feel right. I had a feeling like something was wrong. But I didn't know what it was.

Well, on January 8, 2008 at 8:30AM I miscarried. This has been the hardest thing oue family has ever been through. I went through and am still going through a whirlwind of emotions.

First, I cried. And cried and cried and cried. I did that for the almost 4 hours. After that 4 hours period and some very good drugs, I became numb. I just didn't feel anything. I knew what had happen but I just didn't know what to do.

Then, around 8pm January 9, 2008 I became angry. I was very pissed off with God for doing this to me. It isn't fair and why did this happen to me. This stage didn't last very long.

Now as I sit here at 1:25am on January 10, 2008 I am sad. Not only because I have lost the life of my baby but I feel as if I am losing one of my sisters. One of my dear friends who I love very deeply. I know that things have been hectic for all of us now but I don't want to lose a sister.

With all of this I am sure there are going to be plenty more tears, lots of hugs and in the end I hope He will help us figure everything else. Give us a healthy baby and to give me my sister back.

Although all of this awfulness has been happening, something good has come from all of this. I gained another sister. We were friends before all of this happen but now I see her as a sister. She has been here through my whole miscarriage and I am very greatful for her!


Love you all and thank you for the continued prayers and support.

Very sad times..

For all of you who don't have facebook I just wanted to let you guys know that we lost our baby this morning due to a miscarriage. Thanks for everyones continued prayers and thoughts. We love you.

I've Forgotten

Even though I was pregnant with Carly just under 2 years ago I have seemlingly forgotten what it is like to be pregnant.

I have been having these really bad mood swings lately. I am up one minute and down the next. And here at work it seems that these customers sense that I am at my breaking point and just go the extra mile to make sure I tip over. Why do people have to be so insensitive?

People keep asking me questions about my pregnancy. Like, when are you due and is it a boy or a girl? I have no clue! I haven't even found a doctor yet and I am only like 5 weeks pregnant. I am starting to think that I should have kept this a secret and not mentioned anything to anyone until I started showing. I regret telling everyone and know it seems like I have to live with it.

I get blank stares from people when they find out, like another one? Didn't you just have a baby not too long ago? Is 26 months appart really that close together? I don't think so. Why can't people just be happy for us. It is our decision not everyone elses so why does it matter to everyone else for?

AND another thing, why is it that because I look young mean that I sleep around with all these guys? I have other people asking me if I know who the father is? oh YEAH! I AM MARRIED! Have been for over 5 years now. Don't you see the ring on my finger?

It just really makes me upset because I try my best not to judge others. That isn't my job. that is God's job. So why do others have to judge me? And at such a sensitive time in my life. Everyday I just want to lock myself in my room and cry for hours. But I can't do that. I have a child that needs my attention. I can't give up.

As for other aspects of my life. What are friends anyway? Why do we have friends for? Growing up my friends were there for me when I was going through hard times... And I had some very scary moments in school. My friends never left my side until we seperated and went to different schools. Now, we all have jobs or lives that we are living and maybe we just don't have the time for the kind of friendships we had in school. But for me a friend is someone who you know that you can lean on.

James is the best friend I have in life. I can lean on him for anything. He will catch me when fall. He knows everything about me. We have no secrets from each other.

Sometimes you need some other friends to lean on. I have been searching for these friends ever since I graduated from high school. It seems like everytime I think I find some friends they end up being totally different than I thought. I have found 1 person other than James that has stayed true to what she showed me for as long as I have known her. I love her like my sister, in fact I see her as my sister.

Lastly, I am so happy that Jesus Christ was introduced to me. I know he died on the cross for my sins. I know He has a plan for me. I may not know that plan yet but I also know that I don't HAVE to know His plan. He will point me in the right direction.

Now, we just have to find what works for us. We have been going to church now for almost 3 months and I am still trying to figure out if this church is the right one for us. We love to format of the church, it is very laid back but to me, it doesn't seem very personable. Very few people acknowledge us every week. And since we don't know a lot of people yet, I don't feel comfortable going up to people and talking to them. So we are going to give this church a few more weeks and see what happens. Who knows except for Him?

Big news on Christmas Day.

Christmas Day went really well. Carly got lots of toys and she played with them all day. And what is surprising is that she is still playing with them today! LOL. She is a very happy girl. She didn't quite seem to understand what was going on but she was ready to tear into all the gifts, even momma and daddy's gifts! Next year I am sure she will understand... But next year is going to be a lot different.

This past week I just haven't felt like myself. I have been super emoitional, crying over everything and being super tired. James thought I might be pregnant. So we took a test last Saturday and the test came back negative. But I was still not feeling like myself. So on Christmas Eve I took another test and it came back slightly positive. If you have ever taken one of those read the line test, you will know what I mean.

Well, on Christmas Day we went and purchased a digital test that said positive/negative. Figured there wouldn't be any confusion with that one! That came back POSITIVE! So we are going to have another baby. Now the problem...

My family does not support us having another baby. It really hurt me to hear that last night. Plus adding the emotions that I am going through right now, I was in tears for most of the night. I know we can do this. We wanted to have another baby. I just wish my family was supportive. But I guess you can't please everyone huh?

Done with the doctor

So my birth control is out and know I have to do research to find out how long it should take for my body to return to regular cycles. Now it is time for the fun past... baby making! LOL

A little anxious

Tomorrow I am going to the doctor to get my Mirena removed. James and I are ready to have another child. But I am a little nervous. My first pregnancy wasn't easy for me at all. I had a very hard time. It didn't take us all that long to get pregnant. I think it was 2 months. But I was pretty much on bedrest for the 1st 2 months because I was so sick. I actually lost 10 pounds in my first trimester. I hope things are different this time around. I am just not sure what to expect. Wish us luck!