Big news on Christmas Day.

Christmas Day went really well. Carly got lots of toys and she played with them all day. And what is surprising is that she is still playing with them today! LOL. She is a very happy girl. She didn't quite seem to understand what was going on but she was ready to tear into all the gifts, even momma and daddy's gifts! Next year I am sure she will understand... But next year is going to be a lot different.

This past week I just haven't felt like myself. I have been super emoitional, crying over everything and being super tired. James thought I might be pregnant. So we took a test last Saturday and the test came back negative. But I was still not feeling like myself. So on Christmas Eve I took another test and it came back slightly positive. If you have ever taken one of those read the line test, you will know what I mean.

Well, on Christmas Day we went and purchased a digital test that said positive/negative. Figured there wouldn't be any confusion with that one! That came back POSITIVE! So we are going to have another baby. Now the problem...

My family does not support us having another baby. It really hurt me to hear that last night. Plus adding the emotions that I am going through right now, I was in tears for most of the night. I know we can do this. We wanted to have another baby. I just wish my family was supportive. But I guess you can't please everyone huh?

Too tired

You know you go through those periods of your life where you feel like everything is moving too fast? I am going through that right now. I feel like I am doing everything for everyone else but myself. You know, trying to take care of Carly, clean the house, go to work, cook dinner. ETC, ETC, ETC. You get to a point where you are drained and want to give everything up and start over. Boy do I wish I could do that on some days.

This time of year gets even worse for me. As I am sure it is for most people. But there is a place to stop! I have to start saying no to things. I have to start focusing more on myself and less on other people. Because if I don't I am never going to be happy. And isn't that what God wants me to be? Happy?

So I am being childish...

Yes. I am really going to be childish and a little selfish on this post but I am allowed to do that every now and then. LOL.

So my birthday is Tuesday December 16. I am turning 25 this year. I have been looking foward to this birthday for a long time now. I will be completley and 100% legal to do everything that I want to do. But here's my thing.

For James' 25th birthday I threw him a surprise birthday party. And every year his mom takes his/us out to dinner for his birthday. Which I think is awesome. But, and this is a heavy but, what about me? Yes I know this is a very selfish question but every year that goes by I feel cheated out of my birthday because it is so close to Christmas. No one has time to celebrate with me, or to throw me a surprise birthday party. I get cards that are combination birthday/christmas cards. This has always irrated me. Birthdays and Christmas are 2 SEPARATE celebrations that people need acknowledge seperatly.

I feel a little bad about having these feelings but this really does upset me.

Example for this year, for my birthday I asked for hoodies and a day where I didn't have to worry about watching Carly. Don't get me wrong, I love my child but we all need a break, right? I had to buy the hoodies myself and didn't get that full day to myself. Every year something happens to really bring me down. I am just so tired of it you know.

I know I should just be greatful to be living and have Christ in my life but I guess I am just envious from what I see everyone else gets.

New day new feelings

Everyday brings many new challenges. Some good, some bad. But with all these challenges that are experiance each day, we learn something about ourselves that we may not have ever known unless we wnet through it.

Example being, I have been challenged everyday with patience. I am not a patient person. I want everyone to move out of my way and let me move through with my life. But God wants me to slow down. But I find it very hard to slow down. There is so much that needs to get done in a day and I feel that if it doesn't all get done then I am a failure. But I am learning that it is not true.

I keep on being challenged by the same thing everyday and at first I was very frustrated. I didn't understand why God was pushing me. But I am starting to come around. He wants me to learn from Him. I don't have it all figured out yet but for the first time in several weeks, I picked upa bible last night. Be that it was a childrens picture bible but something amazing happend. I understood it! Every word of it! I was so completely excited. I didn't want to stop reading.

So every time that I learn to be patient He gifts me with understanding His word. I am so excited to learn from him. Thank you God for teaching me!