Taking it easy

So the past couple of days I have been doing some thinking. Our family has been going through a lot in the past couple of weeks and we have been leaning heavily on God to get us through it. Here is what I have learned in the past 2 weeks.

1> I am not in control. I may think that I am in control of my life but in the end He is. I always try to make things go the way I plan them. Not the way He plans them. And I am constantly reminded of this. But He really showed me how He is in control of things this past couple of weeks. I may not like everything He is doing but I know in the end that He knows what He is doing.

2> It is ok to be angry at God. I have always thought that I can't be angry with God. He is the creator of everything and why should I question Him or get angry with Him? Because He already knows I am angry with Him. He already knows everything that I am thinking so I need to go on and tell Him. He will forgive me for whatever I am feeling and I know it is ok.

3> Sometimes grief is a good thing. As all of you know we were pregnant and miscarried last Wednesday. I have to say that was the hardest thing I have had to go through in my life so far. If I didn't have my faith I really don't know whay I would have done. Grieving for the loss of this child showed me that Gos was right there grieveing with me. I did not have any one physically there holding my hand when all of this happen but God was there crying with me. He felt everything I was feeling. He knows what kind of pain I was going through. I wasn't alone during that fragie time.

4> I need to start taking better care of me. I have blamed myslef for all this stress in my life. I couldn't figure out why I am so ticked off all the time, minus the miscarriage. But I think I finally have it pegged down. I am trying to do too much for everyone else and not enough for myself. Like the Bible says, you have to norish God's temple first and God's temple is your body. It is time for me to start taking time to myself. Stop stressing about work. Find something I enjoy doing.

5> And lastly, but most imprtantly, when you think your friends are lost they suddenly appear and are there for you. While I was going through the whole grieving process, and still am going through it, I said and wrote some things that were plain out hurtful. I know now that was my grief coming out. But all my friends, true friends that is, still love me for me. They know that I am going through a rough time and I think that this makes our relationships that much stronger. For me, friends are always and have always been hard to find. I don't trust people very easily. and when I do trust someone, I always seem to wind up getting hurt. Not this time. I have found some really good friends who I can relate too and love me for me.

6> I know I said the last one was last but I almost forgot the most important things. I relaized how much love I have for James and Carly. It isn't until you lose something that you really appreciate what you have in front of you. I have been taking it for granted that I hsve a husband and a child already. How many people in this world have that?!?! I am so blessed that God has given me a husband who really understand me and loves me unconditionally and a gorgeous little girl who is the sunshine of our day. I really am blessed and I thank God that He has endowed me in these areas of my life.

Love you all! More to come later!
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